Thoughts on Mother's Day

Last night as I was putting Will to bed he said to me "Hey mommy, do you know that Ruby REALLY likes you?". It made me laugh because it's true- wherever I am, there is Ruby. She is my little shadow, brushing her teeth when I brush mine, helping me cook and put away dishes. If my hair is in a pony tail she wants her hair in a pony tail. If Brad tries to take her out of the car she cries and says "No, mommy!".  This has been an adjustment for me. Will is much more laid back and chill and whereas he loves his mommy, his love is not as intense and pursuing(sometimes down-right stalkerish) as Ruby's. Ruby is watching my every move, keeping a close eye on my comings and goings, emulating everything I do. It has made me extra conscious about how I talk about myself and how I spend my time. I am Ruby's definition of womanhood.

There are times when I try to think back about moments with my own mother and I feel sad when my memories of her are blurry or incomplete. It has been over 20 years since she died. I was nine years old. As I look at my own children and the little kids in my neighborhood the reality of what it would mean for one of them to lose their mother really sets in and I realize the significance of my loss. I was a little girl just about to enter the torturous years of middle school and my mom, my definition of womanhood, was dying in our living room and all I could do was look on and watch it happen. I remember feeling confused, powerless, and most of all lost. I spent the next few years after her death not really knowing quite what to do with myself.

Motherhood has brought me back to my mother in a special way. When Ruby cries and I scoop her up into my arms to comfort her and she slimes my shoulders with her mouth, I remember the saltiness of my mother's skin when I would cry in her arms in the same way. When I read to my children before bed and they snuggle into my sides I remember her reading Teddy Bears Picnic and The Giving Tree to me. As I plan birthday parties and holidays dozens of memories flood into my mind of her making every celebration special and extravagant. I am comforted when I realize that I don't have to remember everything perfectly because my life is all wrapped up in her life just like Ruby's life is all wrapped up in mine. Even if I can't quite remember her voice or what her laugh sounded like I can feel her in my veins. I can hear her voice in my own voice, her laugh in my own laugh, her sigh in my own sigh.

It has been over twenty years and at times the pain is still fresh and my loss is glaring.  I desperately wanted her there on my wedding day and at the births of my children. The difference between now and when I was young is that life is now livable and I don't feel lost anymore.  As I've matured as a woman and grown comfortable in my own skin I feel thankful for who she was and how she loved me.  As I parent my children I am thankful for her example during my early formative years. Happy Mother's Day to my kind, intelligent, thoughtful, beautiful, creative, gentle mother. I miss you. I love you. I can't wait to see you again and introduce you to my beautiful family.

Christmas Menu

I have so many fond memories with my family surrounding the holidays and good food. My dad loves to cook and has always spent a lot of time planning and preparing wonderful meals for our family.  As a  young child we would always have a huge Scandinavian feast on Christmas Eve with my Great Grandparents and the rest of my dad's family before exchanging gifts. Tables would be decorated with wooden horses, candles, mini Swedish and Norwegian flags and plates would be full of Swedish meatballs, fish, cheese, eggs, sausages and spritz cookies.  I remember my mom making leftse, krumkake and sandbakkel. My grandma on her side still mails me little packages of leftse around the holidays. We also had a tradition of having a English Christmas in honor of my step-mom Barbara and her mother. That meal includes a standing rib-roast, yorkshire pudding, brussel sprouts, mashed potatoes and gravy. We finish the night with party-poppers containing paper crowns and silly toys (why does my dad ALWAYS get the annoying kazoo!?). As a new mom I really want to start establishing some family traditions of our own for my children to remember. This year we had our "English Christmas" with my parents in Florida in early November and we aren't going to Brad's hometown until after Christmas because of his job responsibilities.

It was the perfect time to try my hand at some old family recipes and create a holiday menu for our family to have for the years to come. I would be lying if I said that my heart wasn't a little sad that my mom couldn't just come over and spend all day baking with me to show me how it was all done. She always made Christmas and the holidays so special for us. But instead of sitting around in grief and feeling sorry for myself I will use her as my inspiration to create wonderful memories for my own children.

I love to cook so I hade to much fun working on this menu. Hopefully I can add to it in the years to come! I wanted to blog this so I can remember what I made and where I bought things. . . also to share some great recipes. So here it is!

Christmas Eve

Breakfast

Fresh Christmas doughnuts from McArthurs in Kirkwood

Lunch/Dinner- Smorgasbord

Swedish Meatballs (I used this delicious/perfect recipe)

Potato Sausages from Hanlen's Meat Market

Deviled Eggs

Cheeses, crackers and fruit from Trader Joe's-we opted for triple cream brie and blue cheese

Checker board and Brussels cookies from this cookbook. (I will try my hand at a few more next year!)

*Next year I will also try to make Glögg but we didn't have enough people to drink it this year and Lord knows Brad and I don't need to be drinking the entire batch ourselves.

Christmas Day

Breakfast

Sausage and Egg Breakfast Casserole- found here and made the night before.

Fruit cups- Grapefruit, oranges, clementines and strawberries cut & served in half of a grapefruit.

Sparkling Cranberry Juice- from Trader Joe's

Lunch/Dinner

Ham from Honey Baked Ham- there is seriously no better ham in the whole.wide.world. Don't tell me what's in it, ok? Ignorance is bliss and it is just once a year! I can eat my weight in this stuff. I tried calling to see what was in their ham and they wouldn't tell me because it is a secret recipe. Is that legal? Knowing me, it was for the best. ;) I digress. . .

Mashed Potatoes and gravy

Steamed green beans (I prefer brussel sprouts but the kids do NOT)

Whole Wheat Dinner Rolls

Spiced Cider

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!

Happy Halloween!

Harvest Party 2011

This year William insisted on being a pirate for Halloween (which he calls "Cowloween" even though he know thats not right). He has never seen a movie with a pirate in it besides the Jonah movie by Veggie Tales and we have no pirate books. It is a mystery to me really. I wanted Ruby's costume to go along with Will's so he was a pirate/Captain Hook and she was Tinkerbell. . .even though they've never seen Peter Pan. In the end they were cute and hilarious and I wanted to gobble them up.

Cutest Valentines

Mini Cupcake Tin Advent Calendar

This week I decided to try my hand at making an advent calendar for Will to use once we get to December. This one was super easy and I had all of the materials that I needed already except for a few sheets of Christmas themed scrap-booking paper. I can't wait to fill it up and hang it on the door!



Directions:
-Cut 24 circles of patterned paper to cover the muffin tin holes
-Cut 24 circles out of adhesive magnet sheets to stick on the back of each paper circle
-Print out the numbers 1-24 on card-stock in any font you like on the computer
-Punch the numbers out with a 3/4 inch craft punch
-Glue numbers onto each circle
-Embellish and decorate each circle however you like
-Drill 2 holes in the top of your muffin tin
-Fill each hole with treats/notes/stickers etc.
-Hang with a ribbon

Here is a close-up of some of the circles

Greentree Harvest Party

Fire Chief William and his dalmatian Ruby




Poor Ruby fell asleep just like this